justkimu: (balance)
[personal profile] justkimu
When your kids wake up a 0-dark:thirty, you get time to reflect on your life in the early morning quiet. This morning, however, I woke from a very long dream to hear lots of thunder. The lightning sort of punctuated all the situations I experienced in the dream.

Sort of like this...

*groggy half sleep waking* BOOM of thunder, *last few images of my dream* FLASH of lightning, *trying to sneak in 30 more seconds of sleep* JUMPING of little kids on my head and body.

After good morning hugs, diaper changes, sippy cups filled, first breakfast made, laundry started, dog fed, more diaper changing, potty-time, coffee, dishes rinsed, lights on in dark rooms, early morning questions asked, more coffee, enduring the first "that's mine" issue of the day...and more coffee...I'm ready to write. At that time, and only after all that morning activity, can my mind be truly free of chatter. Anything that happened in dreamtime has been put away in my mental filing cabinet, and I don't have to obsess over what every little detail means because my first thoughts are to take care of my young ones.

That, my friends, is true bliss. Crazy as it sounds...when you don't have time to fret over things, you are much happier. Okay, saying that most likely *does* make me a crazy person, but I'm okay with that. ;)

---

As I sit here smelling the fresh rain, I think about how my brain works so fast that I see things too clearly sometimes. What does that mean you ask? Well...ever since I was a little kid I could look at something and see to the core. Didn't matter what it was, or who it was, I could evaluate it with lightning speed. Add a nice does of intuition to this mix, and you have a woman with two brains.

There is the "normal" part of me that does what "normal" people do - go to the grocery store, visit with friends, fold laundry. Then there is my "Abby Normal" side. This is my "preferred" side, as I'm much happier being fully in my Just Kim U skin. I've tried the "fitting in" thing, and it just didn't work. In fact...it went down in a flaming pile of dog doo. A large flaming pile of dog doo in fact.

Oddly enough, my weird side is also the most rational and relaxed. It is the "herd culture" side of me that always opens my big mouth. It takes what my intuitive side sees and translates it into fears, rants or lack of clarity. Over the past year I've worked really hard to bring these two sides together, and have had very good results.

I can be that "weird lady down the street" *AND* fit in with the soccer moms. Well...okay...maybe not the soccer moms (are there any soccer moms left???), but I can walk among everyday people and not have a panic attack. I've learned that there is a time and place for my gifts, and that when I sense something my first job is to understand it. Once I understand what is going on, then I can share it, or pray for it.

This is a benefit of growing up and getting older. Every part of yourself comes together in one nice package. Sure...you might still have a bad day, or an insecure moment, but whether you like it or not, life will push you to a happy end result. :)

Love you!
Kimbo
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