Jun. 16th, 2009

justkimu: (be here now)
From Eknath Easwaran's "Words to Live By"

For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face; now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
– I Corinthians

In moments of trouble we are seeing “through a glass darkly,” as Paul puts it. At such times we can repeat the mantram to calm our mind and clear our eyes.

In times of distress, when we try to call up the mantram or prayer word, we may have difficulty even locating it. Our attention will be caught in our own turmoil, and every time we try to catch it, it will rebel and slip away again.

Simply bring your attention back to the mantram over and over again until your mind is calm. Repeat My God and My All, which is Saint Francis’s mantram (or whatever mantram you have chosen). Then, when you go back to the scene that brought you distress, you can stay calm and compassionate. You can speak kindly, even if the response is not kind. You are inwardly secure in your love.

I removed yesterday's post about our dog because...well...I thought best to do so. It was pretty raw and finger pointy. It is still up on my personal journal...where I can reflect on it if needed.

Over the weekend, along with yesterday, I was at the very lowest I've been in my life. So much came together to make a big stew of "WTF, Universe, what is the meaning behind all of this."

For the first time in my life (that I can remember), I lost complete faith yesterday. I'm still pretty ambivalent this morning, but I'm willing to engage in conversation with All That Is. I'll bring my things to the table, and All That Is can bring its things to the table. It is pretty obvious that we have a lot to say to each other.

My youngest child needed comforting last night...so she asked for my prayer beads (a mala). What is so amazing about this, is that she is only about 18 months old. She has seen me use the beads in prayer to find inner peace, and for healing. When she needs inner comforting, she now reaches for my beads...and she will start chanting. She chants, "ma, ma, ma, ma" until she finishes the whole string of beads.

With clenched fist and angry breath, I raised my hands to the sky and said, "what in the hell do you want from me...just give me some sort of clue...some sort of path...just something besides shit on a stick." Then I came inside, lit my Mary of Guadalupe candle, put some incense in the holder, and went through the day. I wrote, I cried, I grieved. There was support from friends far and near, and challenges to my patient from here and there.

But then...at night...in the still quiet...my youngest reminded me of a simple way back to peace.

This is proof, to me, that The Divine is in the details.

More as I can...busy day today.

Love y'all!

November 2012


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